You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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