I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
