At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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