batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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