Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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