I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
