I want to walk on stilts...naked
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
