I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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