I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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