Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
