Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
