I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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