wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
