I want to make a zoo with you.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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