You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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