I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
