He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
