We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
