It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
