What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
