I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
