I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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