I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
