I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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