if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
