Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
