After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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