foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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