remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
