sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
did i just pee glitter
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
