I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize