so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
