If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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