Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
