dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
