There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
