and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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