Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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