So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
