I want to walk on stilts...naked
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
