The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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