Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
