Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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