She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
