no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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