U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Is it because I queefed?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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