youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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