New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
