Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
