I'm eating all of the evidence.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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