Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
