My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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