Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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