We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
