well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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