i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
