guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
