Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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