that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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