ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
