i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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