i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Come on in and take your pants off
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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