I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
